I've Got a Theory...

(No AI Was Used to Compose This Post)

Early in my career, I used to love making up theories. Former RAs and residence life colleagues might recall my famous Step Back Model of Big-Picture Leadership, the Shaw Mediation Funnel, or the Weenie, Weasel, Barracuda Type Sorter. I won't bore you with the details, although I'm secretly hoping you ask. In any case, none of them were studied or validated, but at the time, they seemed to help provide simple structures for turning concepts into practice.

In real life, I loved the actual theories that scholars dedicated their lives to studying. I still idolize Marcia Baxter-Magolda, Lawrence Kohlberg, and many others, and I want to believe my little models helped the knowledge they created come to life. Perhaps the most famous (or at least easy to remember) student development theory is Nevitt Sanford's Challenge & Support model. In essence, we need to make sure we provide both to students in equal measure. If you challenge someone too much, they won't succeed. If you provide too much support, they'll never learn or thrive. 

In a recent Ms. Behavior episode, with guest Brian Norcross, Kurt and I explained Sanford's model and asked Dr. Norcross, a renowned music conductor, how he knew how far was too far to push an artist or ensemble. As Dr. Norcross reflected on the importance of deeply knowing students, Kurt recognized right away that empathy was a key element of the Challenge/Support practice.

Then, something amazing happened. We started talking about positionality. Would it be fair to suggest that a student scheduled to meet with the dean of students might be more nervous than a student meeting with a hall director? Does a college executive who doesn't frequently interact with students have a greater responsibility to recognize that they don't know what they don't know about students' lives? As we talked about Challenge & Support, a new theory took shape (see Figure 1). 

Figure 1

It's not scientific, but dare I say that it's important to reflect on your power? How does your role impact a student before you even meet? If the authority granted to you makes the stakes higher for a student, what barriers exist that you must consciously eliminate in order to make way for mutual learning?

Are we on to something here? How might you test this theory to see if it holds water? What lessons have you already learned that apply? Every exceptional conduct officer I know has a story of the time they made inaccurate assumptions about a student, and were humbled by the reality of that student's life. What's your story of being humbled? What hearing do you wish you could go back and change? Where do we make spaces to talk about those important errors? 

Music and Discipline in Perfect Harmony

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I'm a word nerd. My first year of college, I made the mistake of thinking I wanted to major in Spanish. At that time, new languages came easily to me, and I hadn't asked my heart for its opinion on the matter. By the time I graduated, I'd burned through a theater major and landed in speech communication. Still, though, I think about my senior year, when I took a class in linguistics that, had I discovered it earlier, could have easily seduced me. I loved learning to code language phonetically so I could examine the syntax and grammar of every language. There is beauty and logic in each one.

Nowadays, etymology is my favorite word nerdery. It helps me beat my husband to some Jeopardy answers, but it also helps me as a conduct officer. 

This week, my friend Greg from Moravian College sent me an article breaking down the meaning of the word "accountability." Author Tom Geraghty makes a case for taking the pieces "ability" + "account (tell your story)" when applying the word to student conduct. The origin of the word "accountability" related to reckoning (specifically, reckoning together), not just providing space, but even so, there was an implication of reflection and coming to terms, rather than just measuring accountability by blame or punishment.

After a few days of ruminating on that article, Kurt and I garbed up in concert black and interviewed renowned musical conductor and composer Dr. Brian Norcross for Ms. Behavior. I knew all the musical metaphors I'd collected from playing for Dr. Norcross had direct implications for the world of student discipline. It was only after the interview, while I was editing the footage for the episode, that I smacked my head in realization.

"Conductor has the word CONDUCT in it, dumdum!"

Of course! Any beginner-level student of a Romance language course knows that "con" means with. The "duct" part comes from the Latin ducere "to lead." Making a case that music and student conduct are related actually does a disservice to the fact that THEY'RE THE SAME JOB! We meet with people experiencing something challenging, something that must be done in community, something that impacts others in profound ways. The work is something that requires constant study and expertise, but equal amounts of humility if both the process and outcome are meant to inspire growth and joy.

I hope you'll tune in for the latest podcast episode. If you're a word nerd like me, a music fan, a theory geek, or just a conduct professional with a love of learning, Dr. Norcross's wisdom will be music to your hearings. 

https://www.fandm.edu/stories/norcross-music-anniversary-performances.html

When It's Time to Change

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I was so clever and prepared. Barry Williams, a.k.a. Greg Brady from the Brady Bunch was coming to my school at the perfect time (if you're not of a certain age, picture Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell). I was hosting a show called "Classic Cheese" at my university's radio station. The show featured 70s-era pop hits, and wasn't I just a genius to think I could join the autograph queue and ask Mr. Williams to record a quick promo for my show? I had a short script written for him, there were fresh batteries in my recorder and my confidence oozed. He had to love this, right? I didn't want an autograph or a photo. All I wanted was his voice. I'd be promoting him as much as he was promoting Classic Cheese! Oh, this guy was going to love me. 

"Don't meet your heroes," they say. When I hear this adage, my memory always goes back to Greg Brady.

For many years, the narrative in my memory was that Barry was a jerk. He didn't want to record my promo, and he didn't even want to listen to my beautifully succinct elevator pitch. He slowed down the autograph line more than me! But the truth is, Mr. Williams didn't have any reason to know or trust me, and I had no Plan B. And, if I'm really honest, I was a brat when he turned me down. I was the jerk.

So many metaphors...

In many ways, we are the Barry Williams characters in our campus dramas. We have opportunities to be kind, but as conduct officers, we often have to say no. Sometimes it's because of a policy, sometimes it's because we're being asked to support something that just isn't right, and sometimes we just need more time to think about a request but extra time is not an option. I wish I'd had this empathy when I met Greg Brady. I wish I'd had some creative alternatives just in case the promo recording hadn't been an option.

Nerding Out on Creativity

Fast forward to 2026, when I reached out to a different hero, Keith Sawyer, who immediately said yes to my invitation to appear on Ms. Behavior. Dr. Sawyer is a creativity scholar and the author of two of my all-time favorite books - Group Genius and Zig Zag, both of which I've used for inspiration in classes, workshops and leadership. He hosts one of my favorite podcasts, the Science of Creativity and his Substack blog always gets my brain buzzing. He's all that, and maybe he's the reason I was more creative as the date for his interview approached.

As the interview date got closer, I kept hearing the mantra "Don't meet your heroes," in my head, but I also had a wiser voice coaching me. "You've learned so much from Dr. Sawyer. That doesn't go away." "Tell yourself, Colette, that no matter what happens, Group Genius will still
be something you absolutely love." "Use this interview as a learning opportunity."

Well, let me tell you, folks, Keith Sawyer is warm and kind and curious and thoughtful and everything you would want a hero to be. I hope you'll listen to his interview for yourself to glean creative ideas to innovate your conduct practice. 

As for you, Barry Williams, I offer an apology for putting you in an awkward position and not respecting your very reasonable boundary. It's been almost 30 years since our encounter, and I still love your music and the life lessons Greg Brady taught me when I was young. Maybe, because of Greg, I still cling to idealism in my career. Just like the Brady Bunch showed us, a happy ending is always possible.

Riding the Wave of Humility

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As a newbie podcaster, it's been super fun riding the wave of my learning curve. Mastering the software, training myself not to say "like" 100 times per episode and getting comfortable with my nasal accent are all fun. There's a long way to go, but you can definitely hear the quality of Ms. Behavior improving week after week.

There are also catastrophic wipeouts. Kurt and I traveled to a professional conference last month where we made lots of friends, interviewed tons of student conduct administrators and, devastatingly, found out that our audio recordings were complete shit. On the bright side, AI editing software helped salvage some fun clips (thank you, Riverside!) and we did have a blast, but dang. We'd been talking about that conference for months, and the humbling realization that I'm still a neophyte brought the exact thing I try not to impose on students... shame.

For decades, I've used the surfing metaphor when I talk about classroom teaching and conduct hearings. You can have a magical, creativity-igniting class discussion one days and think you've got your students poised for a months-long intellectual party, only to have them drag into class two days later exhausted from midterms and annoyed at your enthusiasm. Hearings feel the same way. As soon as you have a few breakthroughs with students and you convince yourself that you're better than you are, a student comes along like a great white shark, to remind you that their needs are greater than your ego. Still, as soon as you hit the shore, bloodied and battered, all you can think about is paddling out to try again.

I've heard that when you're caught in a deadly bit of undertow, the best thing is not to keep swimming toward the shore for safety. The current will only drag you further out to sea. Instead, you need to swim parallel to the beach until the pull dissipates.

In three days, Kurt and I will be back in the studio, our safe place, and we're going to release the footage we collected at the conference. The recordings might be the equivalent of a surfboard shredded by a coral reef, but when I listen to the files, as rough as they are, I can still hear the spirit and the stories of our colleagues. I see Kurt and Colette smiling and laughing and appreciating the fleeting time we have together in person. Rough is okay. It's fine --- this time. Next year, we'll be back with lessons learned, better microphones and a renewed sense of adventure. Hang ten, suckers! 

What Resolutions Does a Conduct Officer Make?

Hello, and welcome to the Ms. Behavior Blog. I'm one of your hosts, Colette, and this year my friend Kurt and I started a podcast. On the show, we talk about college student conduct and invite other conduct nerds to join us so we can talk even more about university discipline. It's fun.

I love student conduct. I mean I love it. LOVE LOVE LOVE it. Sometimes, student conduct is physically draining, but that's because it's such great work. I remember being a college student and I cringe and all the life lessons I hadn't learned yet. Thank goodness for the all the people who didn't write me off, but instead helped me grow. In today's all-or-nothing world, I hope student conduct can be a place where students find unexpected empathy and support, so they can take intellectual risks and explore their ever-evolving identities. Ms. Behavior is where Kurt and I get to explore the potential of this amazing practice.

Today, I sat down to contemplate potential New Year's Resolutions. Kurt taught me over 20 years ago, that if you put your wishes out into the world, magic happens. He started a blog way back when "blog" was a new word, and he wrote down his dreams. Tons of them. As a result, friends and family members started reaching out to him to tell him things like, "Hey, that fantasy you have about being an extra on a sitcom? I can make that happen." I incorporated Kurt's practice and even built it into classes I taught. People who keep their deepest (and even their shallowest) dreams a secret, are likely depriving themselves of many fulfilled wishes. All it takes is a little vulnerability. 

[NOTE TO SELF] Next time I sit down with Kurt, I need to tell him about how much his blog practice still impacts me to this day.

Okay, so let's be brave, Colette. What do you dream for this year? What do you resolve to do?

1. Admittedly, the Ms. Behavior Podcast sounds like it's recorded and edited by someone without podcasting expertise. Guilty as charged. This year, I'm going to add some more polish to the production. I don't want to lose our sense of fun, but, I'm going to learn more and it will show.

2. I'm going to invite my idols to be guests on the cast. This year, we had a bang up roster of guests that we knew. It's been awesome. Now, it's time to exercise our vulnerability, too. There are so many authors, innovators, intellectuals, theorists, communicators, humorists, scientists... Jeez. I read their books, watch their Ted Talks, talk about them in meetings...but I'm a chicken about inviting them to Ms. Behavior (see Resolution 1 for the primary reason). In 2026, we're going to invite the people we were afraid to invite. 

3. This one's pretty meta. For years, I've compiled a list of conduct-related blog titles, with no actual posts to go with them. This year, I will write at least one post a month. That's 12 11 posts, suckers. Just you wait!

4. We're going to double our listenership this year. And we're not afraid to do it through swag. If you're reading this and would like a little Ms. Behavior decor, just go to any podcast episode and send us a text with your contact info. 

Now, I will post this and immediately think of lots of more resolutions I should have added. But, honestly, it's Boxing Day and I've got some new toys to play with. Plus, I'd rather hear about your resolutions this year. What's new and scary and exciting for you in 2026 and what sort of accountability do you need to make it happen? Let us know!